1. 27 Jul


    So I also did this series of tweets recently. WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT WAS MADE UP TOO? WHAT DO YOU THINK MY LIFE IS BECAUSE IT IS ACTUALLY A BASKET OF RIDICULOUS.

     

  2. 26 Jul


    Last week I posted this tweet: “Everyone’s getting lunch with their cubicle buddies but my cubicle buddy is on a weird diet and only eats paper and it’s the office printer.” I thought you guys needed to know this was real. TOO REAL? (No) And also that the printer gets an ID photo but I don’t. But while we’re being real here, I’m just a temp and that printer is here to stay. He has printer babies to feed.

    Last week I posted this tweet: “Everyone’s getting lunch with their cubicle buddies but my cubicle buddy is on a weird diet and only eats paper and it’s the office printer.” I thought you guys needed to know this was real. TOO REAL? (No)

    And also that the printer gets an ID photo but I don’t.

    But while we’re being real here, I’m just a temp and that printer is here to stay. He has printer babies to feed.

     

  3. 23 Jul



    I Want You - Summer Camp

    I mean seriously, their sound is NUTS. And the lyrics? So intense and fucked up but also like super fun at the same time.

    Like shiit check this out:

    “If I could, I’d kiss your lips so hard your entire face would bruise/Write your name in blood on every wall, it would make the evening news/I’d chain our feet together so that you could never leave/

    I’d make you love me so much you’d have to ask permission to BREATHE.”

    So fucking scary! But also who hasn’t felt that level of “I want you”. Summer Camp steps it up past the billions of other vanilla “I want you” songs and hits right in that crazy spot we’re all scared of but secretly recognize as a real thing. There is a reason Law & Order SVU cops talk to any and all love interests as potential suspects first, y’knowwhatimean!

    I get crushes like a.. like a heat-seeking missile. Once I decide I’m into that, I’m just like “fucking WIFE me right now because we’re obviously perfect for each other and don’t even pretend like I’m not awesome” and then I pursue until everything explodes! Which means we’re either dating or probably not speaking.

    It’s not the most graceful tactic, but as this band so clearly and beautifully illustrates, infatuation is literally INSANE. And everyone experiences that. I’ve never written a guy’s name in blood on a wall in a passionate show of affection or anything but I’ve absolutely felt the bright red lit-up crazy button in my head. This song is just a perfect portrait of that.

    So, yeah, Summer Camp. Great band! Check ‘em out.

     

  4. 14 Jun


    I love this dude. Allow me to explain. As a newly minted “gym person” I see a lot of annoyingly fit people around this establishment: perky stay-at-home moms fantasizing a lesbian chocolate wrestling match with ina garten on the treadmills, buff guys who I vaguely recognize as formerly playing on my high school’s football team at the bench press, and small groups of sexually frustrated and squeaky 12 year old boys tripping over their shoe laces on the basketball courts.  And then there’s this guy. I don’t know his name, but he calls me “Miss” and has a toothy smile and wears would-be-retro-if-he-didn’t-buy-them-the-year-they-were-made glasses and almost exclusively uses the stairmaster. Finally, if you can’t read it, his shirt says “If I’m not sweating, call 911” and guess what you guys? He brings TWO of this same shirt to the gym every time he goes because he’s such a goddamn efficient dude. Which automatically leads me to imagine his cartoon network closet full of the same outfit neatly displayed on hangers and I love that. Or he legitimately has some perspiration disorder and will actually die if he ceases to sweat. I should maybe keep an eye out for that.

    I love this dude.

    Allow me to explain. As a newly minted “gym person” I see a lot of annoyingly fit people around this establishment: perky stay-at-home moms fantasizing a lesbian chocolate wrestling match with ina garten on the treadmills, buff guys who I vaguely recognize as formerly playing on my high school’s football team at the bench press, and small groups of sexually frustrated and squeaky 12 year old boys tripping over their shoe laces on the basketball courts. 

    And then there’s this guy. I don’t know his name, but he calls me “Miss” and has a toothy smile and wears would-be-retro-if-he-didn’t-buy-them-the-year-they-were-made glasses and almost exclusively uses the stairmaster. Finally, if you can’t read it, his shirt says “If I’m not sweating, call 911” and guess what you guys? He brings TWO of this same shirt to the gym every time he goes because he’s such a goddamn efficient dude. Which automatically leads me to imagine his cartoon network closet full of the same outfit neatly displayed on hangers and I love that.

    Or he legitimately has some perspiration disorder and will actually die if he ceases to sweat. I should maybe keep an eye out for that.