For context, I am twenty years old. Though, I’m twenty-two and named Marissa and grew up in Florida if any of you are bartenders in New York City.
Listen, I know how young I am.
And I know that I know nothing at all, because of how young I am.
And I definitely know that you either wish you were this young again or are so, so glad you’re not this young anymore.
And I know that I have a long time to go before I even need to start worrying about where I’m going with my life or career, and that it seems so fast-paced and intense right now, but really, I’m so, so young that I should just keep my head down, and continue on, and any worries about anything should be but a blip on my young little consciousness.
And believe me, I know that as a young person, I should have FUN™, and that some of you may think that the best, most FUN™ times of my life will be right in this young moment, and oh man, remember drinkin’ cheap brews on shitty apartment rooftops and listening to GOOD/BAD MUSIC™? And that some of you may reassure me that these are not the best, most FUN™ moments of my life, that it will get better. But I should still be having FUN™, like a lot.
(And I also know I should stop using superfluous “likes” because though I’m young, employers will not like that young language in their Office Cultures™)
Because also as a young person, I know that I am a representation of our grim future. So as a young person, I should [cue finger waggle] spend less time on the internet and more time reading BOOKS™.
However, I know that as a young person, I should capitalize on my natural familiarity with technology, and learn how to utilize the internet and social media and such to capitalize on whatever it is I want to do, because that is The Future™.
Additionally, as this young person, I know I should get a head start, and save money, and have 3 million internships, because then I will be young and ahead of the curve and Networking Networking Networking™ with older people who can help me when I get older.
In any case, I’m so young, that I know I should also quit worrying about anything, and sip on a Coca-Cola™ and forget to put on sunscreen and kiss boys because You’re Only Young Once™. But I can’t focus too much about kissing boys because I’m so young, but also maybe focus a lot about kissing boys because I’m so young.
But as a young person, I know I should really remember that it’s important to wear sunscreen every day.
And I know that I know nothing at all, because of how young I am.
And finally, listen up, babies and toddlers, I know how old I am and I have some Advice™ and Life Lessons™ to share with you. Do you even know how Young™ you are!
