1. 27 Jul



    EllieMcE Consulting

    My entrepreneurial friend is starting a small marketing firm to help local businesses get their name out. Last night we hung out and he wanted my help with choosing a name. He wants something that is professional but interesting, and hints at their mission of providing success for their clients. Here are my pitches in our brainstorming session:

    Me:  MountainVantage…PeakLight… GreenVoyage… AzureGroup

    Friend: You can’t just put any two words together. Those are nonsense. Also we’re in the Midwest. We don’t even have mountains or oceans here.

    Me: That is beside the point. And of course I can, that’s how all names happen. We’re just brainstorming here!

    Friend: Fine, continue.

    Me: CraniumPoint… WindowsPoint, PowerPoint, Excel –

    Friend: You’re naming Microsoft products now.

    Me: I need you to stop interrupting my creative process. OpenDoor, CurtainTassle… TableTop..

    Friend: Now you’re just naming things you see.

    Me: I’ve got it.

    Friend: Really?

    Me: StupidFace.

    Friend: You are fired.

     

  2. 25 Jul



    Tampons are Really Expensive

    Me: My laptop’s getting fixed because the hard drive crashed.

    Co-Worker/Friend: Oh that’s the worst. Do you have to pay for it?

    Me: No, I bought it like 3 months ago. It’s in my warranty.

    Co-Worker/Friend: My apartment got broken into a couple years ago and they stole everything. Laptop theft wasn’t covered in mine so I had to get a new one.

    Me: They stole everything!?

    Co-Worker/Friend: Well, not everything, but all the expensive stuff.

    Me: Did they steal all your tampons?

    Co-Worker/Friend: No, Ellie… No.

     

  3. 19 Jul



    You Came to the Wrong Place

    1. Friend: I need some help. There's a fresh croissant in the trash at this starbucks, but it's right on top. You gotta keep me away from the garbage food.
    2. Me: Grab it.
    3. Friend: But that's gross!
    4. Me: Is it sitting on garbage?
    5. Friend: No, it's on a plate.
    6. Me: GRAB IT.
     

  4. 21 Jun



    Disco Facto, You're Great

    1. I have a friend that is much, much funnier than I and her name is Meg.
    2. Meg: Are you too cool for me!?
    3. Me: I didn't respond to your text because it was rude and loud.
    4. Meg: Ugh. Disco facto, I have no friends.
    5. Me: Don't think that's how that particular phrase goes.
    6. Meg: I know.
     

  5. 24 Oct



    Jail & Girl Scouts

    1. Friend: So, how do you know what jail cells smell like?
    2. Me: Funny story, it was a girl scout field trip.
    3. Friend: Weird?
    4. Me: AND IT WENT HORRIBLY AWRY.
    5. Friend: Of course.